


If Only For One Night

by Shelwrites



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Fluff, M/M, Slow Burn, True Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2016-07-17
Packaged: 2018-07-11 18:37:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7065547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shelwrites/pseuds/Shelwrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been 20 years since Gon and Killua separated at the world tree. They kept in touch over the years, yet things still have changed. What has changed in the past 20 years? Why did Killua end things? How will their new assignment to a special project by the chairman change their relationship? Aged up Killugon. Gon and Killua are approximately 34.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Breaking up is hard to do

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at an actual full-length fanfiction. Feel free to comment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first attempt at an actual full-length fanfiction. Feel free to comment. Inspired by a work in my one shot series.

There were few times in his thirty-four years that Killua had felt so nervous. As he aged, he had gained more confidence in himself and his abilities. Yet here he was standing outside the Hunter x Hunter association, full of anxiety all because of Gon fucking Freecs. He had not seen him in over two months. And now, today, they were supposed to report to the Association due to being assigned to a special project.

He pulls his phone out of his pocket and checks the time – fifteen till eleven- and it seemed as if time is going in slow motion. All of his senses are heightened as he waits for Gon to appear. It was not like him to be running late. 

I should really just go in without him, Killua thought to himself. Although in Gon’s defense they still had ten minutes until they were technically late. 

Even though Killua knew it would be best for him to go in without Gon, he still waited; not wanting to leave without him. They were a team and the months apart did not change that. Plus, as much as Killua hated to admit, he needed to see him as soon as possible. It had been too long since he saw that smile that brightened his world. 

The minutes on his phone keeps rising, and so does his increasing anxiety. Thoughts like, _What if he doesn’t want to see me? What if he’s dead?_ , starts to make their way into his head. He shakes the thoughts away and takes a deep breath. There was no way Gon wouldn’t show up and if he was dead Killua would have definitely heard about it.

Gon was a triple star Magical Beast hunter, after all. It wasn’t like he could disappear without anyone noticing, especially...

Killua stops that train of thought before it starts. Now was not the time nor place to think of that. It would only distract him from the task ahead and heaven knows that he couldn’t afford to be distracted right now, especially considering what had happened the last time he had seen Gon. 

The past two months had done nothing to diminish the pain Killua felt when he thought of their last encounter. He could remember it like it was yesterday.

* * *

He had snuck away from a gala the association had hosted to raise money for some cause he could not remember. He hated going to those things. There was always too many pretentious world leaders wanting to talk to him. The rooms were too crowded and hot. Plus, it was as if he could never get away from those amber eyes that seemed to be watching his every move. 

He had become a hunter to track down dangerous criminals, not to attend those stupid things. It was all a part of the job, he supposed.  
Killua knew, as well as every other Hunter knew, that his success as a top level hunter was partially negated by politics. Sadly that meant he had to play by the association’s stupid fucking rules, which included going to important galas, dinners, and fundraising events. However, there was no rule against him sneaking away.

It wasn’t hard for him to find the perfect opportunity to slip out, and getting past the “guards” was so easy it was almost funny. It wasn’t like he would be missed.

Somehow, Killua found himself in the gardens of the mansion where the gala was being held. The chilly night ensured that everyone would be inside and that he could be truly alone. 

It wasn’t long before he felt Gon’s presence behind him. He didn’t even need to look back to know it was him. Killua always just knew when he was close, and it didn’t matter that he had used Zetsu. In fact, they both constantly used Zetsu out of habit.

Killua turned around as soon Gon stopped walking. It wasn’t a surprise to see him standing there. Killua knew Gon would notice his absence and come looking for him. He always did. It was just how things were. 

As Killua observed Gon in the moonlight, he could not help but notice how handsome he was. He had always thought Gon was attractive, but seeing him in a suit tripled the desire pooling in his stomach and made his face flush.

His black suit was hugging his strong shoulders and muscular arms. His broad chest was enhanced by the slim cut jacket. The tattoo that Killua knew rested on his ribcage was hidden by his clothing, but his eyes skirted over the area anyways. Killua’s eyes darkened as his eyes roamed down Gon’s body; studying every detail. 

Gon’s frame is more muscular than his own, but Killua’s still taller by a few inches. Where his body is long and lean, Gon was stocky and powerfully built. 

His face seemed to glow in the moonlight. It was still wider than Killua’s but his look of child-like innocence is long gone and has been replaced with an air of maturity as the years progressed. Gon’s angled cheekbones and strong jawbone giving way to his neck seductively. The shadows from the light making his face look even sharper. 

The similarity to Ging is almost uncanny, but Gon’s eyes were much more open and bright. Also, the small smile he wore on his face was all him. 

Killua felt his heart skip as he saw that smile form. It was a smile that he knew was meant for him and only him. 

“Yo,” Gon said in a smooth and baritone voice. 

“You shouldn’t be out here,” he replied.

“Neither should you,” Gon responded. 

“Don’t play dumb. You know what I mean,” Killua bristled while fighting the urge to press his lips against Gons.

“Why?” Gon asked slowly as if he didn’t already know. 

“You know why,” Killua mutters. 

“No,” Gon replies almost angrily, “I don’t. Why can’t I be here with you?” 

“Don’t make this harder than it already is, Gon!” Killua bites back. “ You know why we can’t.” 

“How can this be harder than it already is? Because this,” Gon gestures between them, “ seeing you and not being able to be with you- it’s agony. I feel like my heart breaks every time I see you. Every time, Killua!” Gon pauses to collect himself. “ I feel like I'm constantly missing a part of myself without you,” he whispers. “ My every thought is you. I can’t eat, sleep, or even breathe without you! I’m trying, and you keep pushing me away. I love you, but I don’t understand why you won't let me.” 

“ _I_ push _you_ away?!” Killua asked incredulously. “ Gon, you are the definition of _away_ ! Don't you think I am not dying on the inside? Don't you think that if I could I would give it all up and run away with you? Don’t you get it?” he asked desperately. “ I can’t breathe because I’m waiting for you! You think I want to do nothing but wait for a glimpse of you? You are the love of my life, Gon. I exist for you! But, you know we can’t” Killua finishes in a whisper as tears roll down his face.

He will never forget the pained look on Gon’s face as he listens. His eyes sparkling with unshed tears. His shoulders hunched in defeat.  
“Killua, _I love you_ . Don’t you know, you are the love of my life?” Gon cries desperately. “ Please, don’t do this. We can get past this. I know we can.” He pleads. 

“ We should head back before someone notices we are missing,” is the only reply Killua gives as he starts to head back the mansion walking past Gon.

* * *

Shaking his head slightly to clear his thoughts, Killua sees a figure with Black spiky hair making his way through the crowd and before long Gon was standing in front of him. The moment he had been dreading and anticipating was finally here.


	2. Reunited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killua and Gon meet again at the Hunter's Association in order to see the chairman. Please let me know what you think!

Killua watched as Gon made his way through the crowd. It wasn’t difficult to track his progress as he basically towered over everyone. Somewhere along the age of fifteen, he and Gon had a major growth spurt. They had both grown over six inches.

Killua was still slightly taller than Gon, at 6’3 ft, while Gon, minus his gravity defying hair, reached 6’0 ft.

Killua glanced at his phone to check the time as Gon’s figure came into his line of vision before stopping directly in front of him. He was just as beautiful as he remembered. His hair slightly windblown causing a few strands to fall into his face. Looking appraisingly, he took in Gon’s sharp, yet rounded face with high cheekbones, a strong nose, and angled jaw. Gon’s expression neutral, yet happy. 

As Killua examined him further, it seemed as if Gon did not know how to react to him. He had know Gon for twenty two years; it was easy for Killua to sense his apprehension, despite his attempt to hide it. 

Gon’s smile was bright and enthusiastic, yet guarded as he locked eyes with Killua. His gaze softening as he approached. His amber eyes were wide with curiosity; although in this moment they were also hopeful and hesitant.

Killua felt his heart clench as he studied Gon’s face. He did not know if it was from guilt or something else. He hated knowing he was the cause of Gon’s inner turmoil. Neither of them had moved as they read the each other’s face. It was if time had stopped as soon as they made eye contact. 

Killua could feel his face flush slightly as Gon’s eyes roamed up and down his body. His gaze lingering on his lips before he quickly averted his stare. 

Seeing Gon felt like taking a breath of fresh air that he did not know he needed. It had been too long since he had seen that smile that lit up his world and those eyes that pierced his soul. 

“Hi,” Gon greeted, shattering the delicate silence between them. That simple word breaking the trance that had captivated Killua since his eyes met those amber orbs. 

“Yo, what took you so long? ” he replied; things seemed to be going smoothly thus far. “Sorry, I had some last minute stuff come up,” Gon answered vaguely. Killua mentally decided he did not want to know what “stuff” entailed and judging from Gon’s tone, he wasn’t going to offer the information either.

Killua glanced at his phone once again to check the time and for something to do with his hands. It was 11:05. “We should head inside. We’re already late.” Killua replied gruffly before the silence turned awkward.

“You didn’t have to wait on me.” Gon snapped. “ I would hate to inconvenience you with my presence any longer than necessary.You made it pretty clear you don’t want me around.” Gon’s aura flaring slightly in anger and pain. 

Okayyy…maybe things weren’t going as smoothly as he thought. He longed to comfort Gon, but Killua knew it would do more harm than good. He had made the right decision and Gon would come to the same conclusion in time. He had done what was necessary to protect him, even if that meant breaking Gon’s heart and his own in the process. 

Sighing internally, Killua turned to make his way inside the building. He felt Gon move to follow him. Killua did not have to glance over his shoulder to know that Gon’s fists were clenched by his side and that his walk was rough and choppy. To the best of Killua’s knowledge, he did not think Gon knew that he had an easily identifiable “angry” walk. 

Any other day Killua would have thought it was cute. He would have turned around and uncurled Gon’s hands and told him to breathe. And if they were alone he would have pressed a gentle kiss to Gon’s lips. He would have then promptly called him an idiot and told him to calm down as he secretly plotted his revenge against the person who dared to upset Gon. 

Sadly, today wasn’t any other day. Today, he had been the one who caused that walk. Plus, Killua knew it was a façade to mask the pain Gon was feeling on the inside. A pain he knew too well because it was the same pain he had felt for the last two months. 

It is the kind of unrelenting pain that stayed with you constantly. Leaving you tired, aching and numb all over. Where it felt as if your heart had been ripped out of your body, leaving you _empty_ . So empty that it hurt. Hurt to move, to think, to breath. The kind of pain that made you latch onto any emotion that wasn’t that mind-numbing emptiness, so you could feel _something_. 

Tilting his head down and allowing his bangs to fall in his face, Killua stopped in front of the elevator and pressed the up arrow. He considered himself an expert on hiding his emotions, but he did not know how much more of this he could take. He had never factored in having to hide from Gon, not since the Chimera Ant fiasco and that was twenty years ago. 

Luckily he had decided to grow his hair out. Well, Gon had liked him with long hair and made sure he knew it, Killua thought wryly. Always running his fingers through it. Tugging at the ends when they…Killua shook his head to clear his thoughts before they went down that path. 

Anyways, he was grateful that he had kept it long because now it served as the perfect veil to hide his eyes, which glistened with unshed tears. He took a deep breath to compose himself as they waited for the elevator. Gon standing silently behind him. 

The elevator dinged as the doors opened and everyone got out, leaving the compartment empty. Just great, Killua thought silently as if things weren't bad enough. Now he was going to be trapped in a small enclosed space with Gon for fifty fucking floors. 

He stepped in the car and heard Gon shuffle in behind him and press the button for the fifty-first floor. Of course, the elevator’s walls were mirrors. He could see the pain in Gon’s eyes from all angles. How he held himself slightly hunched over. Letting his guard drop slightly now that they were alone. 

Killua remembers a time when he would have welcomed being alone and this close to Gon. His woodsy scent filling the car. His aura brushing up against his gently and soothingly. Gon pressing him against one of the walls as he kissed him deeply. Taking advantage of one the rare moments they had alone. 

Killua glanced in the mirror and saw Gon’s eyes momentarily darken and he knew his mind had wandered to a similar place. His slid his hands casually in his pockets to keep himself from reaching out and pulling Gon close. 

In an attempt to distract himself, Killua’s eyes flickered over towards the door and saw that they were approaching the twenty-eighth floor. Before he knew it his eyes had strayed from the flashing lights to the mirror on his left. 

Casually, he took in Gon’s chocolate shoes. The ones he only wore when he wanted to dress semi-professionally. He wore pressed khaki pants and a brown belt around his waist. The pants fitting perfectly, hinting at the strong legs that were hidden underneath. His forest green button down tucked in; the color highlighted his golden skin perfectly, which was exactly why Killua bought it for him a few years ago. It hugged his broad shoulders and chest in an enticing manner. 

The shirt was short sleeve and showed off his muscular arms. There was a new scar on his elbow, which Killua assumed was a product of his previous assignment. He discreetly tried to detect any other changes that occurred in the last two months. It looked as if Gon had lost a few pounds. A few more freckles were scattered across his face indicating that he had spent some time in the sun without sunscreen. Killua mentally tsked at Gon’s stubbornness. He constantly had to remind him that he needed to protect his skin from the sun when they were together. Just because he didn’t burn like a tomato like him didn’t mean he could forgo sunscreen. 

Beside the freckles, Gon’s face looked pretty much the same, expect the bags that had started to form under his eyes. Killua had not noticed it earlier, but the harsh lights in the elevator revealed the slight discoloration even more. 

Definitely caused by lack of sleep, Killua thought. Before he could sigh to himself again, the elevator dinged. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Gon jump slightly as if he was so lost in thought he had forgotten to pay attention to his surroundings. This worried Killua since that was unlike Gon. He was always in tuned to his environment. 

Stepping off the elevator before him, Gon walked up to the secretary’s desk as Killua trailed behind him. Killua noted that his spine was straight and all traces of the previous anger and pain had disappeared. Gon was nothing but confident and professional now.

“Freecs and Zoldyck, here for the eleven o'clock meeting with the chairman,” he said. 

“Of course. Right this way.” The secretary replied cheerfully as she rose from the desk and lead them to down the hallway to the door at the end. “You can go in,” she said before walking away and back to her desk.

Killua watched as Gon knocked briskly and then pushed open the door to the chairman’s office.


End file.
